I should be up . . .

I had an interview last Tuesday, with the Department of Revenue. I have an interview tomorrow. I have a potential interview on the horizon in the next few weeks.

So I should be up, right?

Right.

But I'm not.

I'm not DOWN, mind you. I'm not where I was a month ago. I'm not lying on my side on the couch, crying uncontrollably. I'm in a seated upright position. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm getting things done. I'm seeing friends. I'm leaving the house. I make it for weeks at a time without collapsing into a puddle of tears.

But I'm feeling disheartened, despite it all.

I've been told, by professionals, that I'm doing all the right things: I'm applying for jobs, I'm contacting people for help, I'm networking, I have a different resume for every job, I rewrite my cover letter for every application (but will actually be revamping it considerably soon, as I have learned that it is too long, damn wordy me), I write thank-yous for every interview.

I know all of this.

But what has me down is that I don't seem to be able to BUY a job in the city of Columbia.

Here's a rundown of the jobs I've interviewed for, their location, and their ultimate outcome:

Library Interview 1: King County Library System, Washington State; position was rescinded.
Library Interview 2: USC; I was a finalist, someone else got it.
Library Interview 3: Virginia Tech; didn't get it.
Library Interview 4: Union County Library, Union SC; this job was a strong possibility for me, but I decided it was not for me and removed myself from consideration.
Library Interview 5: Oklahoma City; no word yet.
Library Interview 6: Yuma County Library System, AZ; tomorrow; don't know.
Library Interview ?7?: George Mason, Fairfax VA; don't know whether this interview will even happen.

Non-library Interview 1: DoR, Columbia; won't know for at least 2 more weeks. Don't feel good about this, for some reason.

Employment Agency Interview 1: Belk; didn't get this.
Employment Agency Interview 2: SCANA; didn't get this.

I've applied for every Columbia-area library job I've seen posted, for USC, RCPL, Columbia College, Lexington County Public Library, South Carolina State Library . . . nothing. I've had exactly 1 interview. I have quite a few live applications out there, for RCPL, for USC. We'll see, I suppose.

I've applied for library jobs in South Carolina, in Myrtle Beach, Charleston, Oconee County. Not one interview.

I've applied for state, county, city jobs that have nothing to do with libraries, but sound like good jobs. Not one interview.

I started out only looking in my field, but have branched out considerably.

My employment agencies contact me about jobs that go nowhere; not even an interview. I've redone my resume completely and sent to one of them. In the hopes that I might get a job paying $9 an hour, as someone's secretary, I've removed all of my education except my BA (but I might take that off too); removed all of my library experience; reworded all of my supervisory experience (instead of being the head of a department, I'm just in that department); and added in experience in typing, data entry, and in customer-service and cashier positions. My original resume, with all my experience, was meant to show how varied and skilled I am; well, that didn't work. So maybe this one will show how capable of taking direction and typing I am.

Curtis and I talk about leaving. We talk about the pros and cons. I don't want to leave the wonderful friends and life and house I have here. I don't want to start over for the third time in my life in a brand-new place. But if I can't get a job here, there's not much point in staying here, never being able to go do things with my wonderful friends, having no wonderful life, and having my house go into foreclosure.

So if I get a job somewhere else, we really will literally HAVE to leave.

Then again, it's not like I've been offered a position at any of the over-there places either.

So, per a friend's suggestion today, I'm going to try applying at Publix, Wal-Mart, and Target.

And if they don't hire me, I'm going to buy a gas stove. A nice one, like Sylvia had.